A Series of Random Harry Potter Rants
by Blossom of Death
Summary: Just what the title says...but I'll let you wonder about...sporks...leather pants...and garden gnomes...
1. Chapter 1

_A.N. I decided that while I wait for a few ideas to pop into my head for my Spirited Away fic and DBZ fic that I would do some weird stuff...in other words...be afraid...be very afraid..._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or sporks...BUT I DO OWN FOONS!_

Rant #1: The Mighty Spork

Setting: Ron is in the boys' dormitories with Seamus and Neville. Harry is in the Common Room with Hermione doing homework...and so our rant begins...

"So guys...," Ron started, obviously bored.

"What?" Seamus and Neville asked.

"What do you want to do? This is boring...," Ron replied.

"I dunno ...hey what's that beside Harry's bed?" Seamus asked with a glint of michevy(sp?) in his eyes.

Ron got up and walked over to where something was sticking out of the bag beside Harry's bed. He pulled it out of the bag and all the guys gasped in awe.

"What is THAT!" Neville asked loudly.

"It looks like ... a spoon!" Seamus exclaimed.

"No...it's obviously a fork you idiot!" Ron stated.

At this moment a revelation struck Neville, "Wait...it's both...so it must be a ...FOON!"

"Neville's right...," Seamus trailed off and glanced out the window.

"What are you lookin' at Seamus?" Ron asked.

"Oh I was just checking to see if the sky was falling," Seamus replied.

"Why?" Neville asked obliviously.

Ron sniggered, "Forget it Neville..."

Just then Harry walked into the dormitory and yelled, "What are you doing to Henry!"

"Who?" Seamus asked.

"Henry! My spork!" Harry replied angrily.

"Spork? What's a spork?" Ron asked confused.

Harry sighed and pointed to Ron's hand.

"Oh this? This isn't a spork...it's a foon!" Ron grinned.

"No it's not it's a spork, his name is Henry, and he's mine!" Harry grabbed at the spork.

But Neville got there first.

"Neville...give Henry to me..." Harry said calmly.

"Never! I'm in love with him!" Neville replied running to the door.

The other guys stood there dumbfounded for a moment before shrugging and continuing being bored.

: LATER :

"You took the loss of Henry pretty well Harry," Ron stated.

"Yeah...well there's always Bob..." Harry replied grinning.

"Who's Bob?" Hermione asked.

_A.N. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Told ya it was random...but you won't find out who Bob is till chapter three...yes...sadly I have this planned out...-sigh-...laters.._


	2. Rant 2: Leather Pants

A.N.: Okay...I'm bored again...so here comes the next rant...and the chapters don't really tie together except maybe rant # 1 and rant #3...

Disclaimer: -looks at lawyers- fine...I don't own HP...yet...

Rant #2: Leather pants...

Setting: It's Christmas time at Hogwarts and they're opening presents in the Common Room for this time...

"Hey Hermione! This one's for you," Ron said as he tossed a brightly wrapped package at her.

Hermione grimaced as the package landed with a thud at her feet. She leaned down and picked it up, surprised to find it rather light.

"Who's it from?" Harry asked as he munched on one of the chocolate frogs Ron had given him.

To

Hermione looked at the present for a card, but had no such luck, "It doesn't say."

"Well open it!" Ron encouraged while doing something else.

So Hermione did...and pulled out _pink_ leather pants!

(A.N.: sorry...I've been hanging around Red as of late...O.O)

"Who would send you those?" Ron exclaimed.

Hermione just sat there bug-eyed for a few seconds before her cheeks flushed scarlet and she sprinted form the room.

"Who sent 'em?" Harry questioned.

"Me," Ron grinned.

"Nice..." Harry said before biting into another chocolate frog.

Little did they know, Hermione was still at the bottom of the steps to the girls dormitories and had heard every word.

:LATER:

"Hey guys," Hermione greeted as she plopped down in one of the chairs nearest the fire.

"Hey 'Mio..."Ron trailed off as he looked up.

Hermione had her hair pulled back, was wearing a tight black top and the pink leather pants.

"What?" she feigned innocence.

"Why are you wearing that outfit?" Ron asked.

"Oh, just thought I'd try a new look," Hermione shrugged, "What 'cha think?"

"It...it looks nice," Ron managed to squeak out.

(A.N.: Harry has slipped away somewhere...so he's gone...)

"..."

A.N.: This chapter really had no point because the story's rated K, so I can't write beyond this point...and I ran out of ideas, the above mentioned is just an excuse...I'll let you ponder what happened next...See you next time..in Rant #3: The identity of Bob.


	3. Rant 3: The identity of Bob

A.N. Once again ...I'm bored...so it's time for another rant!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter...but I do own Henry the foon and Bob.

Note: No garden gnomes were harmed in the making of this rant...

Rant #3: The identity of Bob.

Hermione, Ron, and Harry are outside walking on the grounds when they see Malfoy and his goons throwing something around.

Harry's eyes widen as they get closer, "How did you get your filthy hands on Bob?"

"Oh so this is Bob," Hermione murmured as she watched the argument progress.

"Someone gave us inside information, Potter, and now we know that this is your most valued possession," Malfoy replied.

"Who would do such a thing?" Harry asked angrily.

Malfoy smirked, "Why would I tell you that?"

Just then Neville whizzed by screaming something along the lines of, "Henry is mine, all mine!"

This distracted Malfoy for a moment, enough for Harry to snatch Bob back. Harry triumphantly held the..._garden gnome_...up and then ran away clutching Bob to his chest.

"That was interesting," Ron said.

"Sure was," Malfoy added.

"Hey, wanna go get some lunch?" Hermione asked.

"Sure," the others (Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, and Ron) replied.

And with this they walked away to the Great Hall.

A.N. Yup...Bob's a garden gnome...you know...the santa lookin' ones... oh yeah...I know that Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Ron, and Hermione wouldn't just waltz off and have lunch together...but this is my rant...and rant I will! ...and yes it was short...but I just figured y'all would want to know who Bob was...lata


	4. Rant 4: Hair Dye

A.N. bored...-sigh-..

Disclaimer: If I owned it ...things would be different...

Rant #4: Hair dye

It's about five o'clock in the afternoon and everyone in the group, except Harry, are outside sitting by the lake.

"Where's Harry?" Fred asked from beside a tree.

"I dunno," Ron replied with a yawn.

"Have you guys ever noticed that whenever Harry goes missing something strange happens?" George commented.

As of on cue Harry walked up to the group, "Hi guys."

"Oh hello Har-" Hermione said looking up, "What happened to your hair?"

"I dyed it," Harry shrugged, running his fingers through his now lime green hair.

"Why?" Neville asked clutching Henry to his chest.

(A.N.: if you don't remember who Henry is you're pitiful)

"Man Harry...that looks wicked," Fred grinned.

"Yeah...can you dye ours neon-purple?" George asked.

"Sure," Harry agreed.

"What are you two thinking?" Hermione asked them with her hands on her hips.

"That we want purple hair," Fred and George replied in unison.

Hermione sighed and sat back down, starting to read her book again, "Men.."

"Women," all the guys countered.

Hermione just rolled her eyes and kept reading her book.

**:Later that night:**

Hermione had gone to bed an hour earlier and now Fred, George, Harry, and Ron sat in a huddle near the fire.

"So...everyone clear on the plan?" Harry asked.

"Just about...but how are we going to get up the staircase?" Ron looked confused.

"We fly on brooms upstairs," Harry replied with a grin.

"That's brilliant Harry!" Fred exclaimed.

"Yeah..how come we never thought of that?" George added.

"Does it work though?" Ron asked.

"Yah.." Harry answered.

"How do you know? Did you test it?" Fred asked.

"Yes.." Harry replied.

"When and why?" Ron rose and eyebrow.

"Never mind that...let's go," Harry said quickly, guilt obvious on his face.

"We'll discuss this later," Ron said with a slight glare.

**:Upstairs:**

"All clear," Ron's voice quietly came from the top of the staircase.

"Okay," Fred replied and opened the door to one of the girls dormitories.

"There she is," George said, locating Hermione, "You sure you got the right spell?"

"Yeah," Harry walked up and muttered the spell under his breath, causing Hermione's hair to turn a bright sunshine yellow.

The guys snickered quietly and left.

**:The next morning in the girls dorm:**

Hermione went over to the mirror to brush her hair, "OH MY GOD! AHHH!"

**:Downstairs:**

"OH MY GOD! AHHH!" Hermione's voice reverberated around the Common Room.

The guys fell over laughing and the other people who were up looked slightly confused.

**:Upstairs:**

One of the other girls sat up and rubbed her eyes, "Pancakes?"

A.N.: That be it...yes it was stupid..but I'm VERY BORED! hope you liked it...please review!

:Libby-chan:


	5. Rant 5: The Cape Cult

A.N...uh yeah...

Disclaimer: I own not harry potter or batman or batman's theme song...although the cape cult belongs to me..

Rant #5: The Cape Cult...

Neville ran through the Common Room screaming, "Dunananananana Batman! Dunananananana BATMAN!"

(A.N.: Bet you thought it was gonna be something about Henry)

"What is that _awful _...yet strangely catchy...song?" Ron asked cluelessly.

Harry and Hermione stared at him like he was a moron.

"What?" Ron asked irritably.

"It's Batman's theme song," Harry answered his earlier question.

"Duh," Hermione added.

"And I'm supposed to know this how?" Ron asked with a sigh.

"Oh come on..if Neville knows...you should," Hermione commented.

"Who is Batman?" Ron frustratedly asked.

"What? You don't know?" Fred questioned appearing beside him.

"No!" Ron was getting angry now.

"Idiot," Ginny commented, "He's an American superhero who operates in the dark of the night getting rid of the bad guys. He has a mask with pointy ears, tights, and this awesome cape!"

Then Ginny pulled out a long black cape with the Batman symbol on it, put it on, and ran around the room saying, "Woosh! I will defeat you!"

Neville ran by, still singing the theme song loudly.

"Umm...okay?" was the only response Ron could come up with.

"Wanna join our club?" George asked.

"What's it called? The Cape Cult?" Ron asked sarcastically.

"No...it's the Batman Club, but do you mind if we take your idea?" Hermione replied.

"Sure, you can have it..." Ron rolled his eyes and went back upstairs.

Everyone in the group, except Neville who was still running around singing, laughed evily, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"He'll never suspect.." Fred began, only to be cut off by Neville.

"Dunanananananana BATMAN!"

A.N. CLIFFHANGER! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA :coughs: HAHAHAHAHA ...this chapter is dedicated to Brittany! Review please!

:Libby-chan:


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